Jeff and I can barely remember what life was like before Madden came into our lives. These days it's all too common to see our 15 month-old baby running around the house in his little diaper, looking for messes to make and new things to explore. My daily inner battle involves the decision to try to clean the house and keep my sanity, or just let it go and spend quality time with my baby. Most of the time Madden wins, and we somehow find a way to play amongst the chaos of it all, and even manage to make an even bigger mess. Those are the days that I feel like I'm a good mom. But then there are days that I have to choose the house, and the grocery shopping, and dinner, and my calling, and all the other things on my list. And without fail, at the end of these "to do list" days, I feel like missed a whole day with my baby boy who's becoming a big boy far too quickly. So I've learned to just let things go and be ok with it. And more importantly, I've learned to be very grateful that any unexpected visitors have to be buzzed in at the gate which gives me about a three minute grace period to shove all the mess into a closet.
Literally our house is mess all day long, expect for the nights when Madden has gone to bed and I have time to pick up without him following me around and instantly undoing what I just cleaned. Seriously, I don't even bother locking the door when I take Madden out for a walk or to the pool. I figure that if someone comes to break in, they'll think the house has already been ransacked and leave. I like things uncluttered, organized, and clean, so this has been the one and only difficult thing for me to deal with as a mom. Messes make me feel anxious and unproductive, and Jeff would probably add...grumpy. I can not sit and relax in a messy house, and it's the absolute worst feeling for me to wake up to a mess (especially dishes from the night before, ughhhh). Madden is going through a needy/clingy phase, which includes him hugging my leg and whining while I drag him and my leg from room to room trying to clean. Poor guy wants my undivided attention, always! So either I've got to figure out a way to tame my wild boy soon, or we're going to become that dirty, stinky house that no one wants to come to for Sunday dinner !
Mad is quite the little dare devil these days. I'd say our house is pretty baby safe, but like all boys I'm sure, he finds every possible way to climb up onto the table, desk, dresser, everything! He's even learned to climb up into this high chair by himself. And the other day, I found him out on the patio on top of Jeff's mountain bike! He climbed up the wheel spokes and looked all ready for his ride. Because he does crazy things like this I keep thinking he's so much older than he is, but he just turned one dangit! He's still such a baby, but such a tough little thing, and completely all boy. One of these days he's going to give me a heart attack. I think moms innately have a intensified sense of danger. I can't tell you how many times I've come into a room at exactly the right time to catch him as he's falling off the kitchen table, or eating toothpaste, playing in the toilet or going to the bathroom on the carpet, playing with matches, or sucking on plugged in phone chargers. I'm so grateful for the promptings of the Holy Ghost because Madden keeps me on my toes!
I love having a boy so much. I'm hope someday I'll have a girl and get to buy dolls and dresses and play house and tea party all day, but for now I can't imagine life without my rough and tough little man. Madden is starting to play with cars, and although I don't remember teaching him the sounds that cars make, he pushes them around and makes "vrooom" noises all on his own. He growls like a bear when we wrestle, and he screams and yells with excitement all day long. He loves to try and make me laugh, and to do this he fake sneezes because he thinks that's the funniest sound in the world right now. When he's excited he puts his hands together and does the plunger dance, and he loves to point at everything he sees. In the bathtub I always have to remember to take the bar of soap out because if I don't, within 30 seconds there will be bite marks in it and Madden will be foaming at the mouth. He also has developed a liking for Jeff's deodorant. I usually don't know he's been eating it until I go to give him a kiss and get involuntarily thrown into an Old Spice commercial. And the love of superheroes has already begun at our house. We taught Madden to say "Superman", or as he says it "DoDo MAAAAAM". Having boys is really the best!
We had some fun adventures this past month, starting with Madden getting his very first stamp in his passport!! By the way, his passport photo is the cutest thing I've ever seen. He stood against the screen for his picture all on his own and even flashed his famous dimpled smile. But the bitty photographer said he couldn't be smiling like that so she chose the least smiley one. Pleeeeease. Anyway, we had a really fun time in Cabo with my family, basking in the sun and spending lots of days at the beach. Madden won the darkest tan award and loved swimming all day everyday. He's doing so well in the water. A little too well actually- he is once again, fearless. We loved spending time with Honey and Fella, the aunties, uncle, and Bridger boy. Madden also got his first haircut while we were in Mexico! I was so sad to chop off his little curls in back, but that was really one of the two areas of his head that was growing hair and he was starting to rock a serious mullet. He's looking super dapper and cute these days! Thanks for the snips Hon Hon!
Words and talking are coming so quickly for him these days. He says "thank you"("Da Do") whenever we give him something, He says "all done" ("A Da") when we finish a book. And one of my favorites is when he says "Ahhhhh" with every bite of food he takes. It's almost impossible to get him to sit in his high chair for 3 minutes, so most of the time I follow him around and try to shove food in his mouth while he's playing. But it is getting easier because a lot of times I'll be in the kitchen and I'll call out "Bite!" and if he's hungry, he'll coming running into the kitchen saying "Ahhhhhh!" He also says, "ouch!" and "wa wa" for his water. I'm sure one day soon, he'll just start talking out of nowhere. This is all happening so fast, and I don't even feel like I'm that hard to teach him this stuff!
I get all the kisses I want from him too. He loves to kiss his mama! At any time, I'll say "Kisses! Mmmmmmmmm" and he'll come running over with his little lips puckered and saying "mmmmm" and he'll plant a wet one right on me. Then he runs away, turns around and comes back to give me another kiss. Sometimes he'll go back and forth, back and forth until he's all puckered out. He's just starting to give closed lipped kisses, and part of me misses him mauling my entire face.
My favorite time with Madden is when I take him into his room to put him to bed. He wraps his tiny arms so tight around my neck while I rock him and sing our favorite songs. He lays his little head on my shoulder while we rock and every few seconds, he'll turn his head and kiss me. When I finally lower him into his crib, he holds onto my neck the whole way down and won't let go until I kiss him again. He'll lay his head down, but in a few seconds he pops his head back up and says, "mmmmm!" wanting more kisses. This goes on for a couple more times. Man, I love this boy.
Mother's Day was nice because I feel like I'm still so new to motherhood that the amazement and gratitude of this calling I've been given hasn't worn off. When I look at how much Madden has learned in his short time with us, and when I think of what we still need to teach him as he gets older, I feel the responsibility, the fear, and the importance of my role as his mother. I don't think I've ever wanted so bad for someone to be happy, and successful, and kind, generous, spiritual, a leader, a missionary, a friend, an example....the list goes on and on. And I know that I am the one that will help him become those things. So far he has taught me so much more than I've taught him, and hopefully we'll just keep learning and helping each other become better. We have so much fun together and love being a stay at home mom. I know how lucky I am that don't have to miss a single thing. Yes, some days are tough, and sometimes I wish I could just go to Target by myself without spending the entire time reorganizing shelves he's destroyed and being guilted into buying dumb stuff he's sucked on or broken. And sometimes Jeff and I wish we could just go on one date by ourselves without Madden crawling all over the table and knocking over water glasses. Our lives have definitely changed since parenthood became our lives. But only a parent can truly understand when we say that our lives have changed for the better and it has been the most fun we have ever had. We know we are in one of the best stages of life right now and we're enjoying it completely. I love my little family. Jeff is beyond compare, I was born to be the wife of that man. And I know my whole life has been leading up to being Madden's mom. Every day I love waking up to those two boys of mine, and I can't help but love this crazy life of ours :)
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